I headlined a comedy show for the first time!

It was also one of my worst performances ever. Oh wow, what a terrible terrible sad set. I couldn’t even watch the whole thing. sometimes you swing and the bat goes farther than the ball lol fml. I’m ordering pizza right now. So I can drown the sorrow of reliving this memory out with mozzarella from Pizza Halal. It’s my first Halal pizza joint experience and it’s fantastic, but they don’t deliver drinks! Pizza! Without fizzy beverages! Ok look I’ll stop trying to avoid having to talk about this now. Going to go back and watch the whole thing and I’ll see if it’s as bad as I remember.

Ah yeah fuck me it’s worse than I remember. Let me explain. I was having a ROUGH week. Like, I work a job Y’all. And that shit is not easy. And I also said I was going to do the True Stories Told Live event which was two days before this show. So work is a thing. Then preparing to perform for two different kinds of shows was a thing. I was like nah. I can’t do all this. Too much happening and I need to focus on the day job because this cool MacBook isn’t even mine, it’s theirs, and if I lose my job I lose this cool MacBook. How am I supposed to roll up to these cafés looking cool as fuck with my old 2013 Asus DoorFrame.

So yeah originally I flaked on both shows. Said I wasn’t going to do it. Needed to focus on work and have some peace of mind. And then I got a little high and was convinced to go on about three hours before the show started. Like I didn’t want to be up there tho right? But I really had no material and no time to prepare for anything. So I was like hey - what if you just like rambled words and didn’t worry about it? It’s not a good plan, but at least it’s SOMETHING. And, so, as the tape shows. That’s what everyone got.

BUT AT LEAST IT WAS MY FIRST TIME HEADLINING! Which was appropriate because it was the third Shitty Comedy Show. So, with the title considered I fuckin nailed it. The pizza is almost here I’m so excited. Gotta find pants tho. Anyway, it was really cool cause I didn’t find out until I got there. Nice little surprise even though things didn’t go well.

I will mention the giraffe joke though. Because people asked me. And it’s dumber than anyone could imagine. Basically - I’ve been trying to work on a bunch of really short, sweet, stupid jokes. One of the jokes was “I choked a giraffe to death one time. It took me two weeks”. Look, it was shitty comedy night what do you expect? My last minute thought was “hey - you really don’t have enough new material to try out here on shitty comedy night. What if you just took that stupid giraffe joke and made up a story about it on the spot. Get a little weird with it”. And so that’s what I did. It was painful to watch this go around but I think I could make something out of it, to be honest. Might have to give that one another go next time around. Stupid sexy giraffes.

Shitty comedy night. Living up to the name. Fuck yeah.