This was my best stand up comedy performance ever

Alright, I’ve only done this like eight times so it’s not a huge sample size. But Randy said this was my best performance ever. And Randy ain’t no bullshitter, so I’m going to take his word for it. I didn’t have a lot prepared this time around. I almost decided to just repeat an entire set that I had performed before. I really don’t like repeating things. That’s boring as fuck. I don’t want to get comfortable like that just yet. I know I need to start practicing bits to get better at them. But I’ll think something up and I’m dying to try it out. Not always to the best result, but you gotta at least swing. There’s just not enough opportunities in Lisbon right now so I always feel compelled to do new stuff. Who knows when I’ll have another opportunity to try it out? If there were more regular shows I would probably be more comfortable with repeating myself. Since I know another opportunity for new jokes won’t be far away. Things just don’t work that way around here right now.

So, this was a pretty vulgar set. This was definitely not my best set material wise. Did you notice once difference though? I didn’t look at my fuckin cell phone! Wow, that feels so much better than looking down every 20 seconds to line up the next joke. It’s getting easier to not get thrown off my train on thought, but I had it in my hand just in case. It felt SO GOOD though to just rap with the crowd in a way that flows better.

I am very surprised by how much people really enjoy foul vulgar shit yo. Really. Even when a joke falls completely fucking flat and there’s not a sound in the crowd sometimes people will come up to me afterward and tell me how much they love it. We’re gonna need some more Jesus in here Y’all. Weird getting high fives from senior citizens after calling everyone in the crowd a bunch of fuckers. I am definitely not used to whatever this new reality is Elon Musk shifted us into when he hit that blunt on the Rogan podcast. He clearly fucked the simulation all up.

By the way, I write this stuff on Grammarly. And it makes sure to tell you all the mistakes you could fix if you updated to premium. Like, it gives you a number of all the things that are fucked with your right. Right now in this document, it’s 26. So I have to upload this thing knowing I’m a terrible writer. Awesome. I’ll try the upgrade one of these days. For now, I’ll just be me.

SPEAKING OF BE ME (epic segway). We had a wonderful traveling comedian headline the show this time. I’m not going to say who they are cause I’m about to uh - disagree with them. After the show, a bunch of the comedians was standing outside. Homeboy decides to ask me if I want some advice. Of course! He’s a traveling professional. Has been doing this for five years. he must have some great insights he wanted to bestow upon me. Possibly some finely combed criticism to shed light on ways I can improve. “Be yourself”. Wait, what? I mean I didn’t say that out loud. That’s what I thought. What I actually said was “ok”. That was literally it. He didn’t elaborate. He just said that, and then completely changed the subject. To suggesting I start setting up my own shows at coffee places and perform for two people if I have to.

Well, this all sounded terrible. Confusing, and terrible. The thing that really grinds me is the whole “be yourself” bit. This guy actually did a second show at the same place literally the next day. A friend and I were interested to go see the show for lots of interesting reasons outside of this dude performing. We assumed the event was going to be a shitshow because of who was running it. Spoiler alert - it was. We ended up seeing The Adviceinator after the show and he was talking with my buddy for a bit. I wasn’t paying attention but in the flow of the conversation, he re-asserted the whole “remember when I told you to be yourself” bit? And I did remember. And I still remember it. It was literally one of the best examples of someone with shit advice giving shit advice while trying to act our some weird comedy father figure role. I still laugh about how weird that whole thing was.

I can be myself any time. Why would I want to get on stage and do that shit? I wanna go out there and do something different. Here’s my advice to anyone else. Fuck that dude and his noise. Be whatever you want and own that shit.